Facebook Ruined My (Social) Life
February 19, 2008
I have an addictive personality. All my life, I’ve found myself devoting large chunks of time to activities that, ultimately, weren’t so productive. I lost my childhood to the Super Nintendo, and my teenage years to online games. My social life was paltry at best.
Now, it’s better - or at least, I think it’s better.
I’m blessed to have a good-sized circle. Using Facebook, I can step into this circle whenever I want. I know who’s talking to who, who’s doing what, and who’s going where - all without saying a word.
“This sounds good!”, you might exclaim. “I too wish to be a social maven!”
No you don’t. Not this way. Not through Facebook.
Through most of my teenage years, I hid behind my monitor. I didn’t appreciate my social life because I didn’t have one. Come college, I did, and now that I know what’s out there, I never want to go back.
Sunlight is good. Exercise is good. Girls are good.
But wait, what’s so bad about Facebook? Doesn’t it help you connect with people?
Yes, it does - in some ways I recognize more people. I know what they do, and what they like. But I don’t know them. Digital conversations are important, as a supplement - not a replacement - to what happens outside of them. In Facebook, to connect, I have to disconnect. I spend more time watching, and less time doing.
My scales are tipping, and I find myself back at the keyboard again. Less coffee. Fewer movies. More gossip. The need to know has me ensnared.
Sometimes, you must raise your voice. Sometimes, you must see your circle. But in excess, it’s draining.
I watch my world from behind glass doors. If I had the chance to leave, would I?
Would you?
Posted in Facebook, Personal, Social Networks
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February 19th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
i-yi-i: I’m going to post a similar blog re: if time is money, web 2.0 is taking me to the poorhouse. Seriously: my productivity is plummeting thanks to facebook, twitter etc. Life feels more interesting, granted, but at a price!
February 19th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Always a price! Still, there is a benefit to Facebook. It makes you a public relations professional. It’s like a personal branding exercise.
Your life is on display, and it better be pretty for all of your friends, admirers, stalkers, potential employers, and casual browsers.
February 19th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
A very timely post. I can totally relate to everything you’ve written, including my own lost youth (It was Civilization I and II rather than Super Nintendo that troubled my existence, but it’s the same kind of thing). But at the same time, I know that Facebook, blogging and other online activities have absolutely given me the opportunity to be a more sociable person and widen my social network considerably.
The problem is that there’s a law of diminishing returns. Online social networking can be a huge boon if you’re starting from a fairly modest network anyway, but as the network expands, it takes more and more time to maintain it.
It goes something like Quality of Offline Social Life plus Quality of Online Social Life minus the number of hours not spent on getting-it-on minus the square root of the number of neurons in Val Kilmer’s brain equals the net social cost/benefit to your life of online apps.
February 20th, 2008 at 12:49 am
I’m like you, I’ve been trying to avoid Facebook as much as possible, massive addictive time suck that it is. But, I’m going to try again after reading a new book about it that I reviewed on my blog yesterday:
Review: I’m on Facebook — Now What?
February 20th, 2008 at 3:30 am
Wow! Thank you Jeremy! This is a great article! It is always a balance game, life that is…. great to keep on the side at times and great to take the plunge and get wet at another…
Thanks for putting so much thought into the article and making it a part of our Social media Project. I think lots of people can relate to what you have written. Even non-totaly-adictive personalities like myself can relate too because it’s always simpler to convert into a looker and not an active participant….it is our society’s sickness if I may say. Great job! thanks again!
February 20th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
@Ina … oooo …. good point. Web 2.0 is implicitly active - often requires critical thinking (and like Jeremy said, a bit of good judgement!), so in that sense it keeps us alert and alive instead of just lurking around passively.
February 21st, 2008 at 10:50 am
Wow - I just recently signed up for a Facebook account at the behest of a friend, so I guess I better be careful not to get trapped!
February 21st, 2008 at 4:50 pm
[…] it has taken time out of Vancouver marketing maven and blogger extraordinaire Jeremy Lim’s social agenda - although, to judge by the title of his blog, marketing had already ruined […]
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:21 am
Hi everyone. Thanks for stopping by to comment!
@ Jonathon: I agree. Facebook has opened up many, many doors to me. (Have you ever started a conversation with, “You know, I think I’ve seen you on %person’s profile,” before? I have.) While I didn’t think as far as diminishing returns, I think it’s safe to say it’s all about balance.
The problem with video games it that a lot of them will devour you. It’s not run sideways and stomp on sauntering mushrooms anymore. Today, in a lot of games, you build a kingdom (or a civilization) and manage it. And that’s exciting. I have a theory about video games: they’re addictive because they’re instant gratification. You can do actions exponentially faster in games than you can in real life. Building your physique takes months, and sometimes years of work. In a game, it could take an hour.
Same theory applies to Facebook. You can ‘improve’ your social status (as opposed to your game character) just by being heavily involved. Have you ever come across someone’s profile, saw they had 800 friends and 5000 wall posts, and thought to yourself, “Wow, they’re really well connected?” Branding exercise! Instant gratification! Quantify your social life!
Wow. Have to update the post now.
(P.S. You forgot you have to multiply the sum by the current number of punches Jackie Chan has thrown.)
@Jacob: Massive time suck, but hugely useful, as I’m sure the book’s told you! Just got to balance it out and recognize it for what it is: not your (entire) social life!
@ina: My pleasure! For those who haven’t seen the Social Media Megaproject, do check it out! The Facebook portion was graciously hosted by ina.
February 27th, 2008 at 1:35 am
What a great read… my latest blog comment (also a irregular facebook member)… states, how time is such a waste… and computers to some degree, I enjoy the communication factor, and learning .. but I miss my books, and my physical activities… soooo another great inspirational move towards fresh air and sleeping early..
February 27th, 2008 at 1:36 am
PS its 10.30pm not 1.30am
March 1st, 2008 at 12:26 pm
I wandered into facebook once upon a time, after you mentioned it to me. It just holds no draw to me. I can’t fathom how it is much more than a gussied up, used to be elite(college only!) social network site such a myspace. The whole phenomena seems to just be another circle jerk of how many friends and so on and so forth. Useful? Sure. Same as a fraternity can be useful. However, it’s just one big ego trip to me.
I have heard more and more about their absolutely insane policies regarding data retention, account deletion, and so on. I cannot stand companies that lie to and stonewall users. Want your account deleted? Too bad! Won’t happen.
Don’t want your picture used in an advertisement? Don’t sign up with facebook. “But it’s in the terms of service!” No, it actually isn’t. While it’s quite common for a website/service to claim ownership to everything you’ve ever posted ever without any liability, they do NOT claim the right to use it as an endorsement.
Have friends? Any facebook apps they have can read YOUR private data. Sure, privacy is not on the internet, but allowing other peoples apps to read/collect every one of their friends information is just insane. Anyone could write a moderately successful app and collect large amounts of data and sell it.
Facebook is an egregious act of marketing.
March 16th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
[…] should be happy, since Facebook once commandeered my life, but the chatter on my wall has slowed, and admittedly, it’s depressing coming home to the […]
March 29th, 2008 at 4:23 am
[…] Jeremy Lim from Marketing Ruined My Live brings us a very interesting, youthful, point of view in Facebook Ruined My(Social) Life […]
April 4th, 2008 at 1:20 am
[…] Jeremy Lim from Marketing Ruined My Live brings us a very interesting, youthful, point of view in Facebook Ruined My(Social) Life […]
May 13th, 2008 at 11:34 am
well i can see how it messed ur social lifew up but i think that facebook is much better than myspace
May 15th, 2008 at 12:13 am
I do too, but MySpace has it’s advantages - especially on the networking front. MySpace is great for that first contact, much like a corporate website (though most MySpace pages are hardly ‘corporate’). Facebook is the sales call, where you get into the fine details and start expanding on that relationship.